Went and saw Dirty Picture. Theres a story (a good one) behind it. I was just seeing the movie as is… At the beginning, the movie was a little spicy, then a while later, my mind went blank. The movie started to get clearer then. She (Vidya Balan) did an awesome job with this role. She was really good. Then, usual stuff.. I hope today is a holiday. Got a seminar on Abstract classes and Delegates today…

          Smoked for the second time – today. Got addicted to the song ‘Sadda Haq’ today. The song is from Ranbir Kapoor’s new movie ROCKSTAR. Also got addicted to another beautiful song from the same movie, called ‘Jo Bhi Main’ – a smooth song, vocally very breezy to sing. And, the pen’s ink just quit on me. Found an orange pen lying by. Well, seems to work. Sadda Haq playing in the background now.

 

          Mind is unusually calm and empty. All worldy care seems to cease to exist. Sat at the large stadium for a long time a while ago. It felt so amazing then too. So calm, so peacefull. Like eternal bliss. Not that i know what that is… It seems I am thinking that would how eternal bliss feel.

 

          My brother just went out walking in the rain to the railway station to get his bike. We usually went together. Seems like things are changing. The truth now is that if I went to call him, he might feel that we are getting good, but he is still going to refuse. That, now, would make one feel sad – an emotion that has the power of a nuclear bomb kind of thought in the mind. Would kill the rest of my day. So here I am, sitting here, judging emotions, people, and myself. Things are changed forever. I donot feel bad, don’t regret anything. Because it was the decision I made with my consciousness in it.

 

          I guess why people write/smoke/drink or anything is because their minds always want to be in the thought process. Staying calm, without knowing you exist would be extremely hard. Even if you were, won’t you be thinking being peaceful, being calm, being blissful/being without any motions, emotions… Tried smoking to kill time – didn’t work, and it doesn’t even feel like anything. Why do all these idiots try to inhale this flavoured mixture of gases to kill time ? Flavoured mixture of gases sounds like some poisonous shit. Dad just woke up. Just saw an amazing movie… Well, it was good, about the situation I am going through.

 

          A kid who thinks its pointless to do anything at all. It is the age of wars, natural disasters, and what not, that we are born into. He is asking what he should be completing his studies and doing all this for – to go to death ? He says that we are not living life everyday after birth, but dying everyday.

 

          He is right. And spiritually, only a rare few are ‘living’ their life even. Otherwise, we are all in death, in the SYSTEM. The crap we have to go through because of the pressures – rules, dos and don’ts, good and bad, rational, irrational, logical, illogical – of the community. Can’t even do the stuff we want to do.

 

Read a quote a few days ago, it reads : "When death comes, I am the one to die. So, when I am living, let me live my life the way I want to". Don’t remember the author.

 

          Last few days ago, I realized silence was a blessing. Just by being silent in a conversation about my future studies, i got to know what people have in mind, about me. What was the mental image of me in my closest family’s minds. The moment I realized the truth, I separated myself – kept a gap from me and the outside.

 

No dates for this journal… Time is an illusion, pain is an illusion………………………………………………

 

          I stop writing when I feel like stopping. What if I stopped only when I stop thinking anything ? I don’t think I would ever stop then.

 

One must be free to learn anything one wants, do anything one wants, like, love anything, dislike anything, go anywhere – no passports, no visa, no nothing. The ancient times were heavenly. They had nothing. By ancient, I mean like the beginning of time…

 

Have to escape the community if ever want to be in an ancient-heavenly-like atmosphere.

 

          Will complete +2 for parent’s sake. Got to restart reading. Or else would probably go what these infidels in the community call insane.

 

Maybe to be insane is the way to live. Avoided by the community – He is insane – don’t go near him – ‘don’t anything him’ – best thing ever. Left alone to my conscience and me.

 

          Feeling sleepy. Got to see ‘Dirty Picture’ tomorrow. What the f*** is all the buzz about ? Whatever it is, it is nothing that I’ve ever not seen or heard or anything. Is it an alien movie ? NO. Then what the hell ? New alien portrayals would be one of something I’ve never seen, because its new. But then again, seen the ‘whole picture’ of alien everything. So, to hell with that too.

 

Threw the waste pen away. Oops… Did I wake someone ?……………………………………………… I guess I didn’t.

 

Gotta post my journal on my blog… ADIOS, THIS EPISODE :D